AN INTROSPECTIVE ON LOSS
Slater & Shellans performed live only once, and
from my perspective it was fairly disastrous. Not that
the audience noticed (because they were pretty well blitzed) but I sure as hell did. Bill was not on his
game that night and his ego, or nerves, overtook his better judgment.
We were playing at a fundraiser for the local affiliate
of the now-defunct Air America radio network, so we
knew the crowd would be rabidly anti-Bush. Although
he and I specifically agreed before the concert that
he would not politicize his comments, he came out of
the gate making slams against the administration. Worse
still, Bill didn’t use any charts and screwed
up our “flagship” song, but thankfully the
professional horns I’d hired were able to cover
his gaff. The final offense came at the end of the night,
when Bill – supposedly in jest – insulted
my performance. My confidence as a singer and rock performer
was minimal at best at that point in my life and since
I was already embarrassed at the show we’d just
given, it was like being kicked when I was down.
For several days after our performance, I stressed to
Bill more than once that he and I had to be able to
perform as a duo first and foremost,
without
the safety net of a band around us. I told him it was
vital that we hone our live skills: anyone can make
a product perfect in a studio since you have the luxury
of multiple takes, but performing live is where the
magic happens. Bill didn't seem interested. In fact,
he mentioned wanting to immediately return to the studio
to begin work on a third collaborative CD - when he wasn't making
much of an effort to promote the first two.
I must have complained one too many times about the
performance – and maybe I struck a nerve when
I honestly told Bill his “joking” insult
had crossed the line – because he abruptly advised
via e-mail that he was moving on. Slater & Shellans
was dead.
Thankfully, time has a way of putting things in perspective.
While we were working together, I had thought our
partnership was based on friendship first, with our
musical interests coming second. I slowly came to realize
that it was the other way around. After all, Bill did
bluntly admit once that in me he’d “finally
found someone to pay half of the production costs”
so that he could record his songs. Once I realized I
hadn’t lost a friend but simply a business relationship (and
a superficial one at that), I was able to put Slater & Shellans in perspective.
Coming to terms with loss in any form is difficult, whether
it's personal or professional. But I harbor no resentment, and
genuinely wish Bill well. That’s why I sincerely hope some day
he escapes the cult of Prem Rawat, and why Nan and
I continue to send him a card at the holidays. If he
ever allows himself some
honest reflection on our lone performance,
perhaps he'll come to understand my perspective, and regret his unkindness toward me.
I hope that happens.
Ultimately the experience was a positive one for me. If I
hadn’t spent 2+ years working with Slater, I wouldn't
recognize how much less stressful it is to play with other musicians,
or realize how valuble genuine friendships are, or understand
the importance of true spiritual enlightenment,
or appreciate how lucky I am to have a spouse who
doesn't simply tolerate my passion for music but
wholeheartedly supports and encourages it.
So it’s really true that everything that happens,
happens for a reason. As Bill wrote in that brilliant
song:
“Sometimes some things just go wrong
So something better can come along.”
Listen to a variety
of Mike's compositions
